This is piece I wrote a long time ago based on a real event to help me sort through emotions that kept conflicting with each other.
“I have to leave,” I say matter-of-factly as I rise from the chair in his room.
“Do you have to?” he asks.
“I wish I didn’t.”
“I’m leaving,” she says to me. “Gimme the keys and I’ll meet you in the car.”
I hand over the keys and she leaves the room with his friend.
I don’t want to go. It’s the last time I’ll see him for years.
I walk to the door slowly.
Who closed it?
He steps up behind me and wraps his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder as I reach for the doorknob. Warmth washes over me and I reach behind stroking his soft dark hair.
Those beautiful locks will be gone soon.
I start to melt in his arms but open the door before I lose my senses. He holds on to me until we get to the living room where his family is gathered.
“Bye. It was nice meeting you,” I say politely to his parents and his brother.
“Nice meeting you, too. Drive home safely,” they reply.
“I will.” I walk out the front door.
He follows behind. “I gotta see this ‘boat,” he says.
I point to my parent’s minivan.
“That’s not a boat. That’s a…”
His voice trails off into the night as my thoughts take over.
The Army. Sure, it might be good for him, but he doesn’t belong there. Maybe I just can’t stand the thought of him being far away and not around to call or see now and then. Maybe I’m just being selfish. Okay. I love him. I know that. Is it a crime to love someone?
We arrive at the car door. I open it and throw my bag in. He is still talking but I can’t hear what he is saying. I slide my arms around him and he stops. All my emotions disappear. I cannot feel anymore.
He’s not taking just a piece of my heart. He’s taking all of it.
“Write,” I demand.
“I will,” he responds softly.
“You better.” Tears well and heat up my eyes.
I thought I was over him. I let go a long time ago. Maybe I can’t let go of him. Maybe I can. I don’t know. This is insane. I have a boyfriend and he’s engaged.
The tears fall and I hold on tighter. I let go after the tears stop and look him in the eye. I quickly peck his cheek and turn to get in the car.
“Hey,” he murmurs as he turns me back around.
Our eyes meet once more and my knees weaken. He leans in, scruff brushing against my chin and then my cheek for a kiss before one more lingering hug goodbye.
Tears surface again and we part in silence. I take one last look once I’m buckled in and turn the key in the ignition.
Your eyes, so alluring and innocent at the same time. That smile that lights up my world. Your hypnotic voice. You never belonged to me.
Farewell, my friend.