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Tag Archives: A to Z Blog Challenge

Wounds Of The Heart

We have all loved, lost, and felt the aching in our heart.  The pain can be unbearable at times in the moment.  There are lost loves that will always sit in our heart in a special place.  Some may pine.  Some may just remember sometimes with a smile.

I have the gift of feeling what those whom I’m connected to feel.  Pain, hurt, and sorrow seem to be the deepest. I wrote a poem back in college based on the shared feelings.  It was a difficult situation overall and one that had a bittersweet ending.  But, I wound up with a piece that I’m proud of still.  It’s the one I share over and over with my friends going through similar situations.  I did a follow-up to the poem several months later.

Irregular Fate (© 1992, Debi Smith)

Young man

red-eyed and on his knees,

folded hands, begging for mercy.

She spits in his face and grins.

Laughing at him,

straightening her frame,

she cocks the gun;

a finger settles on the trigger.

Stopping his pleas,

the silence begins to grow

between their glassy eyes

-her finger tapping pressure.

He feels the bullet

skewer his skin

and find a home in his heart

-she turns and walks out.

His heart slows its beat,

scarlet blood oozing,

creeping over his chest

onto white roses and black tile.

He remains alive after

six hours under anesthesia,

fated to live

with an irregular heart.

Untitled (© 1992, Debi Smith)

Young woman

bright-eyed, in a wheelchair,

moves next to his hospital bed.

He sleeps soundly from pain killers.

Mouth frowning,

right hand slowly moving

across his chest;

his body jolts awake.

Eyelids fly open

and he sees her

starting to back away

-he grabs the wheelchair arm.

Looking into his eyes

she feels the pain she saw

on his face as he slept.

-“Please stay.”

Her hand moves to cover his;

they see pain diminishing

in each other’s eyes

and life growing in their smiles.

 
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Posted by on April 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Virginity

Me with my big brothers and friends.

I was actually going to write about something else for V.  Then I had a thought.  Which led to another thought.  Which led to yet another thought.  Let’s face it, once you lose your virginity, you don’t think about it much.  Most people think about it a lot before they lose it.

I remember the discussions with friends in high school.  I consider myself lucky that I never felt pressured by my friends at all to lose it.  Quite frankly, none of the guys I dated in high school was worth it.  I was definitely into them at the time, but I wasn’t ready.  I had it pounded into my head by the church to wait until marriage.  Then, when I was sexually assaulted in college it put me off for a long time.  Nothing like a good ol’ flashback to ruin the mood.  Ya know?  Yes, it was a horrible experience.  But looking back, it kept me from making some impulsive decisions that I could have made at the time.  Young + living on your own for the first time = some pretty rash choices.  Most of the guys I was involved with in college weren’t worth it either.

Most women have an emotional component associated with sex, as I believe we should.  For most men, especially the young ones, it can easily be just about the act itself.  Get huffy all you want.  Most of my friends were always males.  I heard more than once what they thought about sex.

I also had no idea what to expect for the first time.  No one really tells you.  It’s a closely guarded secret like the Colonel’s 11 herbs and spices.

A friend in college gave me the low down one night.  I don’t even remember how it came up.  It wasn’t pretty either.  Visions of pain and tearing, well, that alone is enough to keep someone from doing something stupid too soon.  And you know what?  She was spot on.  I wasn’t expecting her to be right.  I just remembered after the fact that everything she told me was true. Made me glad that I wasn’t in a hurry to lose my virginity.

It’s not a decision to make lightly or rashly.  It needs careful consideration, weighing ALL the options and the risks.  Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good.

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Ugly

Me and my brother

Beauty is only skin deep.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Beauty falls for the Beast.  The ugly duckling really was a swan.

I went through a really awkward phase for a while, but didn’t realize it until moving into an area where being and looking like everyone else was the prize.  This was a foreign to me.  I was always my own person. I still am.  So trying to be like other people was just wrong.  Yet, I was teased relentlessly because I was so different.  It made me feel ugly and I still went on being myself.

There are scores of movies of the popular pretty kids making fun of and bullying the ones that they deem ugly and unworthy.  Those are the truly ugly ones in my opinion.

It doesn’t help that society and the advertisers still sell “beauty.”  Flawless skin.  Perfect shiny hair.  Small waistlines.  20/20 vision. Even and whitened teeth for a winning smile.  It’s not hard to understand how some people who already feel insecure about themselves feel even worse when pounded with these images day in and day out.

What is real beauty?  That is the question.  The answer for everyone is different.  Beauty radiates from the inside for me.  It doesn’t matter how beautiful you look or how long it took you to apply all that make-up and do your hair.  You can spend hours on it, but if your spirit conveys nothing but hate, pettiness, and selfishness it will shine through the facade you created making you ugly.

I love people who embrace who they really are and don’t care what others think about how they look or dress.  They are true to themselves despite peer pressure to be otherwise.  You can’t beat courage like that.

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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