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Tag Archives: Entitlement

I’m Just A Girl

I’m just a girl, living in captivity/Your rule of thumb/Makes me worrisome/I’m just a girl, what’s my destiny?

I was lucky to be surrounded by aunties and uncles who told me repeatedly I could be whoever and whatever I wanted to be when I grew up. Most women I saw at the time in my life or on TV worked either clerical jobs, as nurses, or cheerleaders. Yes, there was a time when I was little that it was my fervent desire to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. Until I saw Nadia Comaneci score her perfect ten and Charlie’s Angels hit TV. We have come so far and you only need to watch Makers: Women Who Make America to see the progress. Yet there are still idiots out there who think female privilege exists, the lack of women in science means there is a genetic difference between men and women, and if women can’t do math we are destined to work the pole.

Nonsense is all over the internet and somehow it keeps making its way to my screen. I don’t go looking for it. It’s just there on my social media feeds. It started with this Open Letter to The Sexists Who Think “Female Privilege” is a Thing by Charles Clymer. (Go read the post then return) It must be hard being a male in today’s society, particularly a white male. Everyone pointing fingers at you and it’s no wonder. There are glass ceilings for women (and minorities) in the workforce that you set to make the playing field unfair. We make less yet more is expected from us and God forbid we choose to put our family before making money for a corporate entity. Many women shoulder the load of a full-time job, raising the children, and running the household while men work a full-time job and come home feeling entitled to do nothing. If a man speaks his mind, he’s being assertive. If a woman asserts herself, she’s a bitch. Just because we say things that you don’t like and happen to be true doesn’t make us bitches. A friend recently said, “Women who dress a certain way, or talk a certain way or look a certain way are totally judged as sluts, whores and skanks. Have you ever even noticed that there is not a comparable word in English for men? What is the male version of the word “slut” that is equally derogatory? Men can sleep with as many partners as they want and society looks at them as virile.” Rape victims are victimized over and over in the judicial process because living through it once isn’t enough for everyone. Then the victims get to hear the litany of excuses. “She was asking for it.” “He’s an athlete, it’s okay.” “She was dressed like a hooker. What did you expect?” No, some of the men out there can’t be bothered to take responsibility for the choices they make. YES, rape culture EXISTS.

Yes, there are good WASPs out there and men in general, but those are not the men I’m talking about here. This is a sliding scale. Not all men are bad. Just like not all women are evil.

Then this video popped up.

http://www.upworthy.com/neil-degrasse-tyson-reveals-that-hes-been-black-his-whole-life-hilarity-and-wisdom-follow?c=gt1

Someone asked what the genetic differences were between men and women to explain more men in science. Someone actually asked that question.  When you see the headline grabbers for the video, it’s about Neil deGrasse Tyson talking about race. He used race and racism to give the audience his frame of reference in how he understood the difference being not about genetics but about access and stereotypes. He ends with, “So before we talk about genetic differences, you gotta come up with a system where there’s equal opportunity then we can have that conversation.” It goes back to what I said earlier about what we see and what we’re told. If the adults in our lives are telling us we can do anything or be anything, the sky is the limit. I had enough women in my life who were in the workforce and as the years went by, more women on TV were doing more than sitting behind a desk typing letters or helping a doctor. We need teachers, family members, and friends to encourage us and tell us we can do it. I loved Chemistry in high school. Not only did I get to play in the lab, but it’s where algebra finally made sense. I wasn’t just solving for anonymous x anymore.

And math leads me to this meme that showed up on my Twitter feed:math meme

Let me tell you why it’s not funny if you are laughing right now. Girls who are not good with math can do so much more than be a stripper. I passed all my classes, but it math was always a challenge. I didn’t end up on a pole. I wound up with a career in the mental health field. Saying our only option is to be stripper is to imply that strippers are uneducated and stupid. When you think of strippers you tend to go for the stereotyped stripper in a seedy bar with daddy issues. Where are the male strippers in seedy bars with mommy issues? We have Chippendales and Thunder From Down Under. Where are the glamorous female revues? It goes back to what my friend said about nothing comparable for men that is equally derogatory. If you still think this is funny, imagine that’s your daughter pictured in the meme. Is this what you want society to think of her and how you want her to think of herself?

Women are much more than we are given credit for by many and we deserve better than this.

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Trying My Patience

One of my happy places I go to in my head.

There was a time when I had very little patience.  I don’t mean the kind of patience where I couldn’t wait for something or I had to have something NOW.

Patience with others.

Managing my anger.  Controlling the high blood, as we call it in my family.

Being able to hold my tongue without exploding after I was done nearly biting it off.

You would think the limits of my patience were tested while I worked in mental health.  I witnessed and dealt with a lot in over 12 years in the field.  I had kids kick, hit, bite, spit at me, and call me every name in the book (as well as some rather creative ones they added to the book).  They lied, tried to be sneaky, manipulate, and split me and my co-workers.  If you were in their situation, you probably would have, too.

In just under a year working in retail, it seems my patience is tested even more on a nearly daily basis.  Kid losing his mind and threatening to kill himself?  No problem.  I can handle that.  Guest gets bitchy with me because they don’t take the time to read the signs?  Hold me back because I might hurt someone.  Okay, not all the time, but the last few weeks it’s like all the idiots have been coming into the store and letting their light shine on their jackassery.  I really don’t know what they get from it.  The more I try to understand it, the more my head hurts because it is so incomprehensible.  Once they’ve gone through their ranting and either gotten what they wanted or walked away empty handed, they still look like Cinderella’s ugly step-sisters.

Two weeks ago, I was dealing with a woman who was insisting the price of some toddler clothes were cheaper than they were ringing up.  I showed her the sign that it says, “Starting at…”  We all know what that means.  Right?  Common sense.  Right?  Well, then she made me show her what on the fixture started at the minimum price.  Once I did she was okay.  Until she started in about the sign on the other side.  Which was the same.  only there were also cargo shorts and not just shirts on that side.  Apparently in her mind even if it said, “Starting at,” everything should have been the price listed.  So, I’m calmly trying to explain to her that the price of the shorts are as marked and something else on the fixture is the minimum price.  Somehow I wound up between her and her kids/cart. One of them was antagonizing the other and she decided it was time to yell at them and continue on yelling at them.  In my ear.  I took a step back and let her continue yelling (which went against every social work bone in my body).  She then asked for the manager, whom I attempted to call with no luck…because as I found out later, I was still on another channel on the walkie and not the main.  She then decided she didn’t want the clothes.

In between her yelling and me calling my manager, I wound up behind her and her kids. She started tossing the shirts and shorts on the fixture.  I’m trying to pick them up and finally said calmly, “Ma’am, if you don’t want them, you don’t have to throw them.  You can just give them to me.”  To which she responded, “I’m not throwing them at you.  I’m trying to give them to you, but you’re not catching them.”  Now my patience is really tested. and I start biting my tongue.  As soon as she walked away and started looking around the department, I dropped the clothes off in my basket I had across the aisle and then went up to explain the signing and pricing to the cashier that called me.  Guess who walks up in the lane and starts arguing with the cashier as I walk away?  You guessed it. I went on my break after that.  I was too hot and I needed to calm down before I lost my temper.

Later on that evening, I talked to my manager for the evening because she eventually talked to the woman who kept insisting the shorts should be $5.  She was finally offered them for the price she was insisting on, but she refused them.  Should I even mention she tried to go through another lane and get them for even cheaper saying they were on clearance?  Oops.  Guess I already did.

What a special woman.  She was young, too.  I’d be surprised if she was 20 or older.  She looked no more than 17 or 18.  With two kids.  I feel for those kids.

Just yesterday, I had a woman near the end of my work day tell me that my friend, who I answered on the walkie when she called for help with a price check, made her feel like “an absolute idiot.”  Then said, “And I don’t appreciate it.  I thought you should know that.”  She had that tone when she said it, too.  The haughty entitled tone.  I thought to myself, Oh my God.  You were a total bitch to her, weren’t you?  Pretty much a rhetorical since I’ve had so much experience with people using that tone of voice.  So, she showed me where she got the backpack from that she was trying to buy.  I showed her the backpack that matched the numbers that I was given and where the backpack she wanted actually belonged. She seemed fine after that.  When I talked to my friend later, she told me the woman called me a liar before she even came back to talk to me.

Another special woman.  And she had her young son with her, too.  Can you guess what he’s learning?

Those are the days I’d rather deal with a client having a crisis than an entitled so-called “normal” person who believes they are the end all be all.  Those are the days that I also remember my dad’s words, the customer is not always right.

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Gratitude

A tulip

I think it’s important to remind ourselves to be grateful for what we have. I believe that we have gotten away from being grateful because we feel we deserve more or we are owed more.  This is the thought that drives entitlement.

I once worked with a family and my primary client was the youngest grandson.  His grandmother told me during a home visit one day that the other grandson lost his job at a grocery store for stealing.  When she talked to him about why, he said, “They owed me.”

No one owes you.  You don’t deserve more because you think you do.

When we focus on what we have and give thanks for it, we tend to be more content.  The pursuit of happiness becomes less about material wealth and more about the little things in life.  The stress we build up in pursuit of possessions starts releasing and is replaced by the bliss of enjoying life as it is.  In the moment.

I challenge myself to be grateful.  Some days it’s easy.  Some days it’s a struggle.  But overall, I continue to improve.  As the years roll on, I feel myself letting go of negativity and embracing the positive.  I am happy with being a renter and not breaking our neck to try to become a homeowner. I like having a job and not a career.  I look forward to my morning yoga to get me energized for the day (for the most part).

What am I grateful for?

1. A plethora of family and friends who love me unconditionally just as I am.

2. The physical and mental ability to work, both for monetary gain and around the home.

3.  A roof over my head.

4. Clothes on my back.

5. Food in the kitchen.

6. A place to visit that I call home.

7. Past work experiences, both good and bad as they helped me grow as a person.

8. An education that I worked for and paid on my own.

9. Beautiful places and things that become subjects of my picture-taking.

10. My gift for creativity.

11. My common sense.

12. My internal filter.  (keeps me out of trouble)

13. Music

14. Theater

15. The creativity of others, good or bad – in my opinion, of course.

16. The time I had with loved ones and pets before their passing.

17. The people who are in my life for just a season.

18. Yoga

19. Martial Arts

20. Humility

21. Compassion

22. The ability to know right from wrong

Those are just a few of the things.  What about you?

 
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Posted by on April 8, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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